well , i have not been on here for a few weeks , shit has been hard the past few weeks,
With mother day and my birth moms birthday only a day apart was fucking hard as hell to deal with, and lately ive had the un-dyeing urge to just get fucked up to forget it all , to make it all worse my grandfather just had open heart surgery to replace a valve and he is almost 80, that scares me cus i have not heard any news yet , guess no news is good news . but that all for now.....................

well 2day is jamie's bday i may have already fucked it hope ididnt tho, hope the rest of the day is good...
well last nite was horoble, i freaked out and deserted jamie and mike jr that was stupid and wrong and an bad old behavoir, i know that and i hate that i run when freak out . this a new promise to myself , I WILL STOP FREAKING OUT AND  RUNNING SHIT IS HARD NO MATTER WHAT IS HARD I WILL TALK TO PPLE ABOUT SHIT AND LEARN FROM SHIT.

 everyday i will from now onw make a promise to myself and update on the one  bout what ive to keep that promise to my self

love mikesr thanx for look at these

2day is a good day i guess , yesterday was hard as hell wanted to cry i missed mom so damn , and just want to get high so bad i could tast it . my son is naping so it is quiet for now.i have my NA tonite . ill write after NA im sure ill have more to write about and think by then

just an okay day

just an okay day, kinda want to get high tho but thats nothing new , ive felt like since i was 12, I also miss my mom today but thats nothing new either, rid keh may 10 1965 -- march 17 1997

Everytime i miss my mom really bad i post this on my fb

 I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart. kathryne...... elizabeth hamilton 5/10/65- 3/ 27/97 rip mom ill alway miss you love your baby boy mike 

but i should be good tho like i said ive wanted to get everyday since was 12 , so thats nothing new to me , I have my NA meeting tomarrow so i should be good, even tho i hate those damn meeting , i need them bad as hell these days, hate needing them but they help if i let them, I still dont talk in the meeting i just lestin mainly and take in the message,  I dont yet have a sponcer but I really need one i think i will actauly  look and shop around for one ,  a wise man once said " when to studen is ready , the teacher will apppear"
so i may not breaking  my neck looking but looking casualy

love mikey sr    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

a little about me
 a little history about my self
_____ i am a addict in recorvery ive fucked up a lot lately w that
-------- I had 8 years the time , then 3 years , then 1 month now i have just over a week.
 ----- I am a bisexual wiccan man , I have not been with a man in the past 6 years tho, bit Guess im still bisexual since I could be easily atracted to man , I just  not to be w any men these days , Idont need to add anyone els to the drama
-----Ive  seen way too much shit in my life  
------ Im 27 going on 50
------- i have a hand full of kids 
       > girl named willow that i have not seen in 3  almost 4 years she is 5 (I alsao had 3 other kid with this women they taken by the state of NC)(this women was my first wife , we were common law)
        > london 3 years old 
         >mike jr 2 years old
        > iris 4 months old 
Ive been in alot of truolbe growing up .but i guess thats whats make me me what ive seen and don in this crazy life , Ive come close to death about 15 times , my mom says im here for a reason . The question, when will the universe releive that reason

mikey sr

trying something new



      Here goes it . well most pple know whats going on, here it is
Jamie and i had an open realationship for a while, I treated her like shit for the better part of the 3 years we were together. Shit just kept getting  worst most of it my fault , i bounce back and forth to Jamie and Gina.
Gina is the girl  from the open realationship, also married her and had a kid with , then kept bouncing back and forth, so to make a long story short , everything now in life  is a direct  reaction of how ive acted  in the past year  or so.

Now I have wife and a  women im inlove with, I question that ASK IS she is inlove with me , but i know she, I know she loves me , but it not that simple any more , like i said everything now is a direct reaction of how i treated both wemon ,my wife  contenplates a devorce on the bad days there are alot more bad days then good, jamie is dating and sleeping with someone i once called one of my close friends . Jamie say she loves me and want to be with, ,just she cant cus ive lied, chated and stole for the better part of the 3 years we were together, my wife still think we could happy if we could get threw  this, meaning i could ever get over and
let go of jaime , but the questions i ask myself is why am i holding on to 2 broken realationships? can a man be inlove W 2 wemon is the human heart that confusing OR CRUEL or is the human mind that is ? IS this all the bad karma i sent out coming back to fuck me in the ass w no lube?

W/E    Ive done a lot of ill shit l8ly to both wemon so if this is just karma being a bitch i guess i deverse it.


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